As soon as I got up from the subconscient sleep, I was attacked by the lower forces. I tried but could do nothing about the mad invasion. It continued till I was completely exhausted. Then my inner being gathered some of its scattered threads by concentration and aspiration.
That is what you should do always.
As soon as some energy was collected I fought back furiously. But before those forces could be totally driven out, my energy was exhausted.
Remain quiet, open yourself upward and call or aspire.
My mind could not understand why the accumulated energy was used up so quickly, within a few moments before the objective could be achieved.
You should have gone on collecting forces first. If the energy brought down is sufficient, then it does not get easily exhausted.
After the last attacks it was found that my heart’s prayers were not of the right kind. And you asked me not to allow the heart to manifest them. The next question is, how then will the heart open and bring forward the psychic being? What should be its right prayers?
Prayers should be full of confidence without sorrow or lamenting.
You wrote, “It is very often when one thinks a particular resistance is finished and is no longer in the vital that it surges up again.” Well, when it sinks down into oblivion would not the mind naturally say, “It is gone forever”?
The mind need not say, “It is gone for ever” — since that may not be true. It must keep simply the steady resolution to get rid of it, not to allow it if it comes back.
I wonder why our little human mind wastes its energy in thinking out how much is established in us, and how much is still to be done.
The mind cannot know; it can only expect or hope or fear or think it is established or not established. What one has to do is to observe, aspire, persist until the thing is permanently done. When it is done it will be known by the fact that nothing can shake what is established for months and years even together.
During the difficult and clouded journey of my sadhana I must not miss that golden stick held out by my soul: “Give everything and ask for nothing.” Letting it slip would mean a fall into an abyss.
Yes, that is the way.
The solution of the present difficulty that I seek from the Mother is not a fulfilment of my egoistic desires, but a strong pressure on my vital to give up its stupidities and surrender itself to her.
If you keep to that, the whole difficulty will fade away.
During these dark periods what do you suggest that I do?
There are always two alternatives, either to remain calm and detached and aspire or pray or else to use the Will or other active means as you used to do sometimes before.
What is it that exposes me so often to attacks from the forces of dissatisfaction and desire?
It is the weakness in the vital which enables them to keep up their attack. Instead of allowing the weakness, revive your will and aspiration and love and let them throw out this egoistic darkness.
Why does the sadhana seem to have been delayed so positively for two days? Anyway I keep up my faith and confidence in the Divine.
You have first to take care not to be disturbed by the interruption. Remain quiet and confident till all opens again.
If you do not give up faith and confidence, there may be delay but there is no danger.
It is again our ego which makes us think that on the higher spiritual planes there would be no need of aspiration. Even our sweet Mother prays day and night — we can feel it distinctly when she plays on the organ!
Yes — All that is very true. It is a prayer or invocation that Mother makes in the music.
It is true that I ought to be aware of my inner movements. But in the present condition, I am so perplexed by different movements that I am obliged to ask you: to what aim will the present sadhana lead me?
The question has no meaning. The sadhana is supposed to lead through whatever difficulties towards the Divine. What other aim could it have?
Once when I asked whether I should draw the Force as much as I could, your answer was: “Let it come in.” Should I let the Force enter by its own choice?
I mean that you need not pull it down, but you should aid its entry by your full aspiration and assent.
When I wrote, “Aspiration, rejection, will are becoming more and more difficult”, you replied: “That is the suggestion of the tamas.” In that case, have they not actually become more difficult than before?
They need not be. It is suggestions of the tamasic forces that insist on the difficulty and create it and the physical consciousness accepts it. Aspiration is never really difficult. Rejection may not be immediately effective but to maintain the will of rejection and refusal is always possible.
A sanskar [a formed habit, a reflex] is created by the forces that aspiration will bring restlessness and, once the physical consciousness gets convinced of the connection, it no longer wants to aspire.
If I feel loneliness or anything not so spiritually healthy, I call out for the Mother and she responds at the level of my head (self) or heart (soul).
Good.
But what is this calling business? The Mother’s presence must be established in me in such a way that calling would not be necessary. This is probably what she is trying to bring about.
Yes. So long as that is not done, one calls.
