While talking, there is a basis of peace and silence, but no conscious remembrance of Mother throughout. Only at the end is there any recollection. How to get the constant remembrance?
That is difficult. If you have the peace and silence undisturbed and the recollection, it is enough for a beginning.
Usually it is the outer being that is talking. But it is rarely reasonable and it speaks a lot and of useless things. So I want my inner being to take the charge of speech.
Yes. The speech must come from within and be controlled from within.
In talking one has the tendency to come down into a lower and more external consciousness because talking comes from the external mind. But it is impossible to avoid it altogether. What you must do is to learn to get back at once to the inner consciousness — this so long as you are not able to speak always from the inner being or at least with the inner being supporting the action.
How is one to know whether one’s speech is coming from within and is supported and carried on by the inner being?
If one is aware of one’s inner being at all, one knows. It is an automatic result of consciousness. Of course if one has no inner life or spiritual experience then the question does not arise since then everything, thought, feeling, speech is external.
I don’t think I am without inner being or spiritual experience. Why then do I miss the inner contact and support for speech?
If you had no inner being and no spiritual experience then you could have no descent of silence or peace or any pressure of force or anything else. But even those who have a strong inner life, take a long time before they can connect it with the outer speech and action.
Outer speech belongs to the externalising mind — that is why it is so difficult to connect it with the inner life.
What is lacking in my self-control is an ability to remain detached during talk with others.
That is always difficult to get.
I am still not able to control my speech. The ordinary forces make me talk on unnecessary subjects. This tires me and I get depressed. Is it not a fall of consciousness? If this defect continues, I am afraid, I shall have to observe mauna.[1]
Mauna is seldom of much use. After it is over, the speech starts again as in the old times. It is in speech itself that the speech must change.
It does not matter if you talked. It seems to me that you are making too much of ordinary things and regarding them as falls from sadhana.
Do you allow me to retire for a week?
Certainly not. Neither retirement nor silence. In your present condition they would be most unhealthy for you.
Be simple and natural about things and don’t erect everything into a mountain of difficulty.
My consciousness seems to be passing through a state of extreme sensibility. Anything new I hear or talk about goes on recurring mechanically for a long time even long after the conversation is over.
You need not enter into unnecessary conversations — but the best thing is to overcome this mental habit.
My friend said that when he talks with Narbheram he gets depressed. Could mere talking with another person bring in such a lower state?
It is quite possible for one person to get depressed by talking with another. Talking means a vital interchange, so that can always happen. Whether they have observed rightly in a particular case is another matter.
At present if I speak more than a few sentences at a time my peace is disturbed and the inner being is fatigued. This happens even when my talking is a necessity.
That happens very usually. Talking of an unnecessary character fatigues the inner being because the talk comes from the outer nature while the inner has to supply the energy which it feels squandered away.
A sadhak told me that when he passes from one plane to another there come very powerful vibrations which would disturb others if they sat near him. So a short retirement is necessary for him. Is this right?
Retirement is not necessary for passing from one plane to another. It is needed only in rare cases and with certain temperaments for a time.
[1] Enforced silence.
