The little fish, Dino, was happy in its little pond. It was a small and secure world where every fish practically knew every other fish. There were just a few varieties of them and, except for some minor variations, they all looked alike. Since they had very similar lives and problems, they perhaps even thought alike. The only risk for them was the angler at the banks and the fishermen with their nets. To escape from the former, they had learnt to stay near the middle and not stray too far towards the banks. The silent rule they all understood and faithfully followed was that safety lies in staying within the limits of the pond and curiosity and exploration were the cause of all catastrophes. But for the latter danger, they had little recourse. They could not get the better of man’s deception and the greed for food that led them to the net. Though here again they tried to reduce their chances of being caught by staying in groups. Their safety lay in numbers or that’s what they thought. But when one of them was caught, the others simply learned to resign to their fate.
Though Dino grew up amidst this lot, yet she was different from the very start. To begin with she was somewhat smaller than the rest. Her smaller size and a little unusual patch of outgrown flesh upon her fins made her somewhat different and unique and, therefore, also somewhat isolated and lonely. For though nature revels in creating variations, her individual types do not tolerate variations beyond a point. They either condemn him or admire and worship but secretly feel that the variant is an anomaly that was to be dreaded and shunned in practice. Nevertheless, she had reconciled to her fate even though she secretly nurtured dreams of another fish world with many varieties and forms of fishes, some amazingly huge and powerful, some amazingly beautiful and wonderful. Yet she would not speak of her dreams to anyone lest she became an object of ridicule and was openly declared unfit to live in the fish world. Such things were after all dreams and imagination, which some mad fishes would have but not the saner and safer ones. For, in that small little fish world, sanity was equated with safety, wisdom with the ability to remain fixed to the type and, truth and reality with the limits of the present.
But Dino could not stop dreaming and at the slightest pretext she would withdraw from her small and neat little fish world to dwell upon the object of her imagination. Till one day she was so lost in her reverie that the borders of the reality of her small fish world was over-passed and she stepped into another place and world, a world where there was water everywhere without any shore. “Oh! How huge is this pond,” she thought at first. But there was nothing of the pond familiarity in that vast waterbody except that both had water. As she sat gazing and wondering, she saw a form unknown to her approach. It was a strange being, half fish with tail fins but the upper half looked like the reflection of some fishermen. But she felt no fear at the approaching being who rather seemed all love and wisdom. The strange form noticed the perplexity and wonder in Dino’s eyes and spoke answering her curiosity. “I am your future and your destiny. It is I who sent you the dreams and the imaginations.” Looking at the amazement in Dino’s eyes, she further spoke:
“I am a mermaid; the god of the sea world and I govern the life of all fishes. But now I have come to tell you something else. Very soon your neat and safe world is going to be destroyed in a flood that I have decided to send for you.”
“For me, the flood?” the little fish was even more perplexed. She had only heard about all-destroying floods that had upset everything in the remote pasts of her ancestors. “But did you not say you were a god!”
The mermaid smiled: “Yes, and I will send you the flood since I love you very much.”
“But why? Won’t it destroy many a fish and what good will flood do to me anyway?”
There was this time a tinge of apprehension in Dino’s eyes.
“What good does your remaining stuck in a pond does anyway? So, I have decided to take you to your place of high destiny and, hence, the flood. But fear not when the waters swell and all seems lost, I shall carry you where you are destined to be and make of you what you have always dreamt and secretly wished to be, since it was I who thus dreamt and wished in you,” replied the mermaid.
The tone of the mermaid seemed at once commanding and reassuring. But the little fish questioned one last time. “But is a flood necessary? Can’t I find my destiny without this great and all-upsetting and frightful deluge?”
“No, without the flood you can only dream about it, for you do not have the strength to follow your dream and reach where you must. Your little fins cannot carry you so far. Hence, I am sending the flood. Remember, do not fear, rather trust, surrender and wait. The flood may look fierce but it is actually my force that comes to break your limits and thus set you free.” So saying, the sea-god vanished and in her trail left a lingering joy mixed with anticipation in the little fish. Her words kept echoing in her dream, “Remember, do not fear, rather trust, surrender and wait.”
* * *
And she waited and a few more days passed. These days were full of strange forebodings. The fish world was witnessing unexpected things. With each passing day the little fish would grow restless about the coming event. She even wondered if what she saw was true and not another of her imaginations. And so it went on till the day of destiny arrived. It seemed a clear day like any other day and the little fish world was busy with its little things and familiar world of everyday life. And then suddenly all was changed. The suddenness of the event left no room for anything at all. The fish world collapsed, got swallowed in that sudden and mighty upsurge of water. All was over within a few moments that seemed like eternity. And when the little fish stunned by the shock and carried by the large wave came back to its senses, she found herself in sweet and strange waters of a stream that must have existed nearby but was till then unknown to her little fish world. As she began orienting herself, she observed what magnificent variety of creatures lived there, some were like the fish but colourful and beautiful, others were strange inhabitants of the freshwater stream that was clear and limpid.
“How strange is this world,” she thought. But the next moment wondered how she and the other fishes had lived so long without even knowing that such a beautiful world existed nearby. But then as if in a flash something else caught her imagination. “If there existed such a world nearby yet unknown to me then where are the limits? Is this the end, the place of my destiny or do I explore and go further?” She swam with this thought day in and day night till one day she dreamt again. She did not see the mermaid this time but only heard her all familiar voice tell her, “Trust your dream. Did I not say that I sent them to you? Go further if you feel that further exists.”
Further to where, she thought and as if something within her own being replied to her: “Follow the current and the stream will lead you to its source and its secret.”
And so her journey continued till the stream began to swell and she could feel something approaching where the world of the stream ended and another world began. At first little Dino grown a little more drinking the sweet waters of the lovely stream, tumbled into the river catapulted by a massive force that shook her again. Fear overtook her, this time more than the first time for she did not have the surety of the vision. It was not any angelic being telling her to move but something within her that had impelled her to explore further. Was she right to listen to this impulse? Were not her family and tribe members right that one should not tread unknown territories; that only in limits are we safe? All these questions flashed before her even as she fell over a waterfall into the river. The very sense of something far more powerful and wider was as if frightening. But then she remembered again, “Do not fear, rather trust, surrender and wait.” But it was not easy out there. The current was too strong, the water quite cold, the riverbed too deep for comfort and the inhabitants not only strange but a few of them frighteningly huge for her small stature. For while she thought if it was worth journeying further, if the stream world to which she has grown accustomed, and which was beautiful, was not the perfect world of her dreams, her highest destiny. Yet, something within her compelled to go further, something within her would not go back, something within wished to go to the very end of this interesting journey into the unknown and the unexplored, into this adventure of a new, a dangerous yet charming, world whose last secret she wished to know. But what was the path to follow from here, the path that would lead her to the last secret, to some greater world of her dreams. Thus, musing she spent a few days whence she chanced upon a strange creature that could move in and out of water at will. This was truly strange, an impossible thing for the fish. How could this creature live without the life giving water, she thought. The creature appeared harmless and often retreated in a shell-like structure that it carried over its head as if shy of the other inhabitants of the river.
* * *
One day Dino dared to approach it. “Who are you, oh great sir, I truly admire your capacities that I have not. Could you teach me how to live without water?” She blurted all her questions at once.
“They call me the tortoise and I am simply endowed with this capacity to breath in water and outside it. There is nothing special about it, to me at least, since that’s how I am made. And since I did nothing to make myself the way I am, I cannot teach you the secret of being this way as I frankly do not know it myself.”
Dino was a little disappointed at the simple and straight confession of the tortoise who seemed nothing short of a miracle to the fish. But she was encouraged by his truthfulness to ask further. She knew he would not deceive her. So she ventured to ask if he knew where the source of this river was and wither it goes. “Pray tell me great sir, if you know the course of this river and where to it flows. I see no end to its waters and though for days I have tried to find its end, I have miserably failed. I can span its width and know the shores but then is the river endless in its onward flow?”
The tortoise became pensive and after a while replied: “Perhaps, I know something of that since I have seen many a season and in my long life I have met many creatures, some of whom have spoken to me of the river’s flow.” Then, falling silent for a while, as if to recollect all that he knew, the sage-like tortoise spoke again. “Well, the shore is not the river’s origin nor its end though many mistake it to be so. The river flows from the unseen snowy peaks of the great and mighty mountains and it ends by emptying itself into the great and mighty sea.”
The tortoise paused for a while. The sea, something flashed like recognition before Dino. Did she not hear the mermaid tell her that she was a sea god? And she had wondered what this sea was. Now the whole thing came back again and with it the thrill of her vision and the dreams of another world. “Pray tell me about the sea, oh great one,” she hastened to ask.
“Ask me not of the sea since I have only heard of it and, hence, I should not speak of it to you. I only know that there is a sea, but it is an indirect knowledge. All that I can tell you is that there are two paths you can take from here.”
“The two paths,” asked Dino, “and what are they?”
“Well, the two paths are the path of annihilation and the path of fulfillment.” The former takes you back to the origin of the river, to high mountain, but you cannot reach the snow summits there. You would, as you travel along this path become more and more alone as few creatures can survive in that cold. Then one day you would simply fall away from your fish nature.”
“And what does that mean?” asked Dino.
“Oh, that’s one way to die and finish yourself, one way to exit the journey. But do not ask me where you go from there once you drop your fish nature. Perhaps you simply merge with the spirit of the mountains, perhaps you come back again. Who knows, but one thing is sure, and it is this, that you will cease to exist as a fish thereafter, at least that is what it seems. But I do not know further.”
“And where does the other path lead me to, the path of fulfillment?”
“That leads to the door of your destiny. As you go through this path you would find more and more fishes accompanying you, some of them much bigger and more powerful than you or any you have known. And then, if you persist you would reach the sea. But I do not know what you would find there for I know nothing about the sea. Only one thing I know and it is this that while both paths are difficult, the path to fulfillment is much longer though, perhaps, more satisfying,” answered the tortoise.
“So would you not want to take that path, we could travel together,” Dino said, a little excitedly.
“No, my dear friend, each of us has our road to travel. The Spirit of Nature has given me a long life but it has not given me the seeking. I am satisfied with wherever I am. Some call it a great quality but personally, I wish I had the zeal and ardour, the dare and courage, the trust and faith that you have in your seeking that has led you so far. As for me, I am born here and I will die here. Even if I were to follow you, my slow nature would not allow me to go very far. But you my friend are distinctly marked to go further. Pass over us and reach where thou must.” Thus saying, the tortoise fell silent and the little fish quietly reflected upon the two paths.
* * *
‘To be or not to be’ seemed the choice before her and this time there was no mermaid to tell her as to where the land of her destiny was. Which way should she go? The path of annulment was shorter and perhaps less arduous, but how can that be her destiny or for that matter the destiny of any fish. What was the difference between this and the fate of the fishes carried in the net of the cunning fisherman? If this was it, then why was all this labour of the fish swimming for life and in fact this fish world at all? No, the Spirit of Nature cannot be so meaningless and absurd. But then she could equally argue against her own logic by saying that may be this is the end of the world, and the river is the highest destiny of any fish. After all, the great tortoise had not seen the sea either. Maybe he is wrong about it. Maybe there is no sea. But what about the visitation of the mermaid? No, the sea must be there but … is it worth all the trouble? All these thoughts and counter thoughts kept her swimming furiously all the while. But then, tired of all this effort she fell silent and entered her world of dream again. She came out without remembering what she saw in her dream but one sentence or a fragment of it slipped into her waking world,
“You are never given an urge without the capacity to fulfill it.”
And indeed, she felt an urge to move forward through the path of fulfillment. She knew not where the urge came from but it was there all the same. In fact, it was always there and would only revive itself from time to time.
As if to give her the last push to go further, she remembered again the words that followed her like a mantra, — “Do not fear…. Trust, Surrender, … Wait.”
And her wait for the journey began.
* * *
At first, she knew not which way to go. The river was too big and it was difficult to say the direction in it. She asked a few but none could tell her which way was the path of self-fulfillment. She turned to the left and then turned to the right, she swam above and then swam below, but alas could not surmise which way to go. No sign came, no visions to guide, no being to help her find the pathway right. Tired and dazed of her seemingly long and meaningless search she looked flustered and spent. Oh! if only the sea-god could help her find the way but even if she would she wondered if there was strength in her to follow the long and difficult path. Confused and wondering, yet she kept up her need to explore the farthest end and her trust in destiny. And destiny did arrive, or at least the day of her destiny, but in the most unexpected way. It looked as if doom, not destiny, had come that day which had seemed like any other day. Perhaps out of tiredness, she was swimming oblivious of the net that was spread over the river by some adventurous men who were moving downstream in a steamer.
This was surely the end of the world and of all my explorations, she thought as the net tightened around her and other fishes. She felt the sharp sting of death as her whole being ached for a single breath. And yet even in that moment of doom and despair she felt a touch of sorrow that she was dying before fulfilling her need to reach the land of her dreams, the great sea. Or was it all an imagination, a rash and thoughtless adventure. And she swooned the next moment as life hung in her fainting fins by a slender thread. Meanwhile the fisherman had rolled the net and as he was going to put the fishes in his basket, he noticed this strange fish with spotted fins. What appeared as a deformity to her friends and kin appeared to this man as a rarity and wonder. In split second a thought crossed his mind that it would be more profitable to sell this little fish in an aquarium as a curio rather than in the fish market. And before even he could decide he had the fish thrown into a tub kept nearby where he had collected some such strange and rare specimen of the water world. Oh! The gasp of breath was as if the very breath of Grace in her life. Perhaps the sea-god had indeed helped her. But then she was now a prisoner unsure of her predicament. And she could do nothing. To even try jumping out of the fishbowl was certain death. Shy and afraid she waited in a corner wondering where fate would lead her next. The fishbowl was a strange world in itself. There were some peculiar creatures the kind of whom she had never seen before. There were a few turtles, some corals, some colourful fishes, and many others. Each looked confused and frightened, unsure of their fate. Yet each had a story to tell that disclosed an entirely different world to the little fish. But also, for the first time, she had a clear look at the sky and saw the stars at night. There was nothing to do but trust and wait. For the first time she learnt the meaning of surrender in its deepest sense. Indeed, unknown to her, the secret hand of destiny was leading her. In fact, she was literally being carried by the hand of destiny since the steamer was fast traveling towards the sea where the men were to disembark. What the little fish took to be a prison was indeed a net of safety meant to spare Dino the effort to do it all by herself. What she may not have been able to do, to swim through the length of the river was being done for her, even though she knew it not, till…
Till destiny led her to the end destination. But not without another jolt, though a minor one. For as the steamer hurled itself along the river, and as it approached close to the sea, a small flash storm sent everything topsy-turvy. The bowl fell down and broke in a jiffy and the raging winds swept little Dino and the other creatures into the river in a split second. Even before Dino could realize what had happened, she found herself being forcefully carried by the strong river current towards the place she was destined, the sea. Soon the river had emptied her contents, including Dino, into the sea and the little fish found herself in a very, very different world than any she had imagined so far. A world before which all her experience, and she had a considerable amount of it by now, seemed to pale — the world of the sea.
* * *
At first the sea appeared to be like any other water world, but Dino realized soon that it was very different. To begin with, the water tasted different. The next thing she felt was the enormous force that the sea contained. And very soon also that to swim here was very different than swimming in the river, the stream and the pond. Something was very different about this place which seemed like an endless mystery. For she could not see a being there, neither fish nor frog nor a tortoise, and all the creatures that she knew of. Was this the sea? she thought and thought till the loneliness grew frightening. The more she explored the more she felt it a fathomless mystery. Very soon she lost all orientation. But one thing she had learnt by now and it was this that when you do not know or understand what is going on around you, then trust and wait. So, she waited a seemingly endless wait till she saw a huge fish approach her. Little Dino had never seen anything of the kind before. She simply stood transfixed in a spot. But as the big fish approached, she felt something very nice about it. Her arrival did not generate any fear, but only hope, courage and trust such that the presence of strong and benevolent beings generates for those who are less endowed.
“I am Mauna, the Dolphin, a teacher of the ways of the sea. The sea-god sends me to you to welcome and carry you safely to her.”
Little Dino was deeply touched. So, the sea-god knew of everything, even the movement of a small little insignificant fish, like Dino, entering into the sea, she thought.
But Mauna seemed to have read her thoughts, — “Not only does the sea-god know of all who enter the great sea, she is also aware of all that have not yet arrived at the sea. She is indeed the guardian of all the creatures that dwell in the waters.”
“So, you are going to teach me of the sea and its ways.”
“No, I am going to teach you nothing.”
“Pray, say again,” asked Dino wondering if she heard it right, “did you not say that you are a teacher?”
“Yes, I did,” Mauna smiled, “but it is not me who will teach you, rather it is you who will teach yourself.”
“So, then what would you be doing?”
“Well, simply facilitating the process of your self-education.” Noticing Dino’s puzzled expression Mauna added, “See, you are a creature of the waters, hence all that you need to know about anything that has to do with the waters, including the great sea is known to you. But it is forgotten due to your birth in the little pond. You have recovered only that much knowledge of the waters as was necessary for you to live in the pond. But as you traveled through the stream and the river you have discovered the knowledge of these as well. Your journey was essentially a rediscovery of what you already know.” And then after a pause he added, “Knowing is remembering. It is uncovering what you already know but have forgotten.”
“But then why does one need a teacher,” Dino was growing more and more inquisitive.
“Didn’t I say, to facilitate the process. It is like a reminder, or to put it more accurately, the teacher is a reminder of what you are, secretly, and can be.”
“You mean you are a reminder to me of what I can be?” Dino asked doubtingly, for Mauna looked far too impressive in size and capacities for her to even remotely hope to become like him.
“Yes, you are myself, but in disguise. That is what I am going to each you or rather reveal to you. Only you have been conditioned so long by the pond that you do not even admit another possibility or another way of being for you. Yet, my child, I, the guardian angel of the sea, is your destiny.”
“Okay perhaps you are right, though I do not understand anything of what you say now. But I trust you and entrust myself to you. Now when and where do we begin.”
“Have we not already begun.” Mauna smiled.
“So, what is the first lesson that you would teach me.”
“Not me teaching you, but you learning yourself,” quipped Mauna and added, “The first lesson is indeed the most difficult to learn.”
“And what is that?”
“It is to unlearn”
“Hmmm,” the little fish mused as if half understanding it.
“The ways of the sea are very different from the ways of the static pool and the running streams and the flowing rivers. The pool has nowhere to go for it knows not anything beyond itself. And the river and the stream run helplessly to the sea. But where would the sea go? It has nothing beyond itself for it contains all things including the earth and all that grows in it.”
Dino did not quite grasp the meaning.
Mauna continued, “you see the sea is everywhere and moves in all directions. You cannot know which way it moves and that can be frightening.”
“Even you can’t gauge its direction and movement?” asked Dino.
“No, none can know the sea, not even me, even though I am born in the sea and live day and night by the sea and even teach the ways of the sea. I can tell you some of the ways of the sea but not about the sea itself. If you ask me about the sea, I can only say that the sea is to your right and the sea is to your left and the sea is above you and the sea is within you and the sea is around and about and outside you even as the sea is within you; and you breath the sea and eat and live the sea and yet ask me not what the sea is for I know not of it.”
“Will the sea god know of it?” asked Dino.
“No not even the sea god but the sea god will tell you something more about it.”
“And what is that?”
“Well, I can tell you something about the ways of the sea, about its mighty force and how to be in it and live by it, but the sea god will tell you about the being of the sea. But there is one last mystery of the sea and none can talk about it. That mystery can only be lived and experienced, not talked or taught.”
“And what is that mystery, I mean what is it called, is there a name to it?”
“The wise call it delight. It has no names and many names — a delight of being born in the sea, and a delight of being upheld by the sea and even a delight of being drowned by the sea.”
The mystery of the sea was getting deeper and deeper. Mauna suddenly became silent and Dino was lost in a contemplative reverie. Perhaps it was the first touch of the delight that Mauna spoke of. Slowly they drifted, led by the ocean current, to Mauna’s resting place covered with beautiful sea plants and coral reefs. It was time to rest.
* * *
That night Dino had a strange visitation in a dream. The Mermaid appeared again but this time it was an appalling sight. The sea god appeared to be as vast as the skies as if she had wrapped the heaven and earth in her body. Her hairs flowed and mingled with the stars, her body occupied the mid-worlds while her lower half that resembled a fish went deep into the ocean floor and even perhaps below. The sight was wonderful and frightful at the same time. The visitation appeared for a while and then vanished. But it left a deep impact, a quivering trace, upon the body and soul of Dino. In fact, she was woken up by Mauna who simply nudged and shook her out of her reverie with these words: “Hurry! Come on get up and get ready. The sea is rising in the shape of a giant wave.”
“How do you know?” asked Dino who could sense nothing unusual in the waters which seemed just as the previous day.
“No time to answer that. Just trust that I know it or to put it in another way I have special faculties that can show me things and one of them is to see an approaching storm.” Mauna answered and began to swim leaving no room for further questions. He swam slowly so Dino could follow. But Dino insisted: “So where do we go when the sea rises into a stormy wave? We can’t go outside the sea, can we?”
“No that would be foolish. When the storm rises, we must go deeper. The storm is on the surface, but in the depths, there is always peace and safety.” And then added as if mysteriously, “the sea that destroys with one mighty sweep what it has created over centuries is also the sea that shelters and protects and saves from its fiercer mood.”
Even before Dino could realize the full significance of Mauna’s words, they were swept down tumbling into the ocean deep only to find themselves as suddenly in a zone of peace and safety. It seemed as if the storm never existed. It was as if the sea though one was many at the same time. It had within it zones after zones, layers after layers, guarding secrets after secrets in its deep fathomless bosom. It was a wonderful lesson that the terrible storm taught Dino, her very first lesson of the sea, or so it seemed.
* * *
The days that followed went off rather smoothly. Mauna had a wonderful way of teaching. He simply swam and inspired Dino to swim with him. Usually, he would not interfere with Dino’s ways and even did not correct her mistakes. He would intervene only if Dino was in a danger. And since Mauna had this ability to sense danger from far ahead most of the time Dino did not even know that she has been saved and some danger averted! Dino learnt many interesting things about the sea. Her very first lesson was in surrender and humility. She learnt that the best way to swim in the sea was not to swim! And when you had reached the extreme level of your effort and feel you can swim no longer it is then that you feel most supported by the force of the sea. Of course, the sea supported you even without effort yet it was not the same. The effort was as if required to develop the muscles and nerves to bear the mighty force of the sea without breaking down or being disoriented. The effort helped her to simply remain in the sea, the rest was done by the sea itself. Effort was necessary to prepare us for giving full force to our surrender and to receive the full delight that follows it. Once Dino learnt this trick, she began to understand what Mauna meant when he spoke of the delight of the sea. She learned that the sea water, though salty and different in taste was as it was to help the creatures of the sea swim with minimum effort. Dino also learnt that the sea had countless creatures some huge yet gentle, others small yet dangerous, as if size was an illusion. She also learnt that the sea held all its million creatures together in its embrace without judging them and providing for each one. Most of all Dino learnt that the greatest treasures of the sea lay in its deepest parts where pearls and other invaluable gems lay hidden as if in some dark cave. Through daily contact with Mauna, her teacher, Dino spontaneously began developing some of those marvelous faculties that Mauna had and spoke of. She began to know Mauna’s thoughts even before he spoke. She could communicate with the many creatures of the sea silently without a word and they seemed to listen and even obey her. Even creatures that were much too big and far too ferocious gave way to her as if to someone special and exceptional. It is then that Dino really began to understand much of what Mauna had hinted at earlier, for instance, this that size does not matter. One truly knows only when one has experienced it oneself and not merely learnt of it from someone else. Doing is knowing. Dino learnt this by doing faithfully what Mauna inspired her by his own example. Then the day of the final lesson arrived.
That day was like any other day. Dino came out of her reverie and went for a deep-sea swim. This was one of the things that she had learnt from Mauna — to take a deep dive every morning. It refreshed her endlessly. There was so much silence and peace and force in the depths of the sea. On her return she looked for Mauna but could not find him. May be Mauna has gone elsewhere. But this was unusual. During so many days of her being with him he never kept Dino out of his reach. But today somehow Dino felt otherwise. Where was he, where had he disappeared? The anxiety grew with every passing minute. No nothing could happen to Mauna. He was a perfect master. He knew everything that had to be known and could be known about the sea. But then the sea was the unknowable. So did the sea swallow Mauna? Dino suddenly felt very unsafe, much more than she had felt either in the pond or the river even with the fishermen’s net around. If Mauna could thus disappear without a word or a trace then nothing was certain and everything was fragile and vulnerable not to speak of her. She waited more but to no avail. She furiously swam in this direction and that but still to no avail. And when she had done all that she could, she simply went back to their place of rest silently in wait for the next turn of fate. She remembered her mantra that had always helped her in every crisis, “Do not fear, rather trust and wait.”
* * *
Three days passed without a sign of Mauna though Dino began to sense some new change in her. She felt that her body was not the same anymore. But what was it she could not know till she saw her reflection in a floating coral whose smooth and crystal clear surface reflected everything. And this was Dino’s real surprise for she had grown so much like a miniature Mauna, a little dolphin that, but for its size, had everything similar to the dolphin and even its capacities. She could not believe her eyes at first. But soon the truth began to dawn upon her. So, this was the reason why Mauna had left her. His work was over and well done and he left silently without even waiting for a word of gratitude from her, a gratitude which she always felt for him. But then did he not say that there was one last lesson to be learnt! What was it? wondered Dino? What was it that Mauna wanted her to decipher from his sudden departure in this way? Surely, he would not leave her without revealing all that he had to and could for Mauna was a perfect teacher and would not leave anything unfinished. So, what was Mauna trying to say for this was indeed his characteristic way of teaching, not so much through words as by example, influence and a silent inspiration. And then as she reflected on everything and, the strangest of things, a thought flashed across her being. A thought that her being and Mauna had become one. There was no more any difference between them. What was outside is now within always and permanently as her intimate self and that she had perhaps only to look within and enter into her own depths even as she entered the depths of the sea and she would find Mauna and all the answers that she got from him by turning without. Mauna and she had become essentially one.
A deep intense longing suddenly seized Dino, a longing to rediscover Mauna within her being. So far, she had related to him only as a teacher and revered him with respect and awe. But the distance created by awe and respect had suddenly vanished as the walls that separated them as two different beings crumbled. She felt an urge, something like a deep ache, to be near him who had become so very intimate to her being. In fact, if at this point someone asked what is it that she wanted most then she would say without a hesitation or doubt that it was Mauna. Without realizing he had silently grown into her nerves and cells, into the very stuff of her being, her essence and deepest truth, so much so that if she had to leave behind everything including her fish life in which she had discovered so much, she would happily do so just to have one glimpse of Mauna. The longing grew to a point of life and death. As if her entire being had grown to one single point of concentration — an aspiration that rose like a column of fire seeking for its goal in a moment of utter self-forgetfulness. For that one moment she could give up everything. Nothing else mattered except that. Without even realizing it Dino had fallen into a trance and as if in a moment of apocalypse, which seemed like eternity, she beheld before her eyes the great sea god appear again. But this time it was not as in a dream, it was right there concrete before her eyes, not an apparition but someone so very living and real, who though apart seemed to be her very breath and life. It was as if her own existence had become unreal before that wonderful reality. Or perhaps that form was the life of her life and, in fact, the life of all life. Silence fell upon her entire being. Amazement and wonder mixed with adoration and awe filled her as the lovely form spoke: “O child of the great sea! here comes the end of thy journey.”
The sweet and melodious voice melted into silence again and Dino’s heart replied: “O great one, my heart is seized with an intense longing for my teacher Mauna. Somewhere I know that he is me and I am him but my heart aches for him even as my being longs for the last lesson that he has left unfinished.”
“But he has left nothing unfinished. This is the last lesson for which he had to leave you and disappear into your own being.”
“I don’t get it.” Dino knew and knew not.
And the great god spoke again: “The last lesson is the lesson of love, that sweet and fierce longing that you feel for him who has hid himself in you so as to become the very essence of your being. Love that touches its peak in self-forgetfulness. Love that made Mauna loose himself in you so that you may become like him. Without this great sacrifice you could not be like him but only a shadow or a reflection.”
“Does that mean that I would never find him again?”
“But have you not found him? Who do you think Mauna is, yet another fish, simply a more developed fish, a perfect fish. All that is only Mauna’s shadow.” And then added in a more familiar voice, “don’t you see Mauna in me. It is I who came to you as Mauna. Now ask me a wish and it shall be granted.” The voice was too familiar to be missed. Dino looked closely and saw in the great god’s eyes a clear reflection of Mauna and all her remaining doubts had vanished. A great joy seized her being a joy as she had never known before. In an ecstasy of hope a cry broke from her as of one who having travelled very far finds the goal of her journey right in front. “O great being, I have no more wishes left having seen you and having been loved by you what more could I want but to simply merge in you and become one with your being, a part and parcel of you.”
“So be it. Ask another boon, my loved child. Ask and it shall be granted.”
“O great Mother, I know what it means to be a fish. I have seen the struggles and the pains of the fish life right from my birth in the little pool. Pray give me the strength to do something for my kind.”
“So be it, my most dear child. Ask another boon, my favourite one. Your selfless boon makes me happy. For your own perfection would have been incomplete without the perfection of the entire fish world. Ask yet again and it shall be granted.”
And a third time Dino asked the great god: “I long to be always part of your work. To serve you always and everywhere is all I ask.”
“Think again my child for it may mean renouncing the bliss that you experience now. It means perhaps going back to the pond and be as a fish amidst other fishes.”
But Dino replied from her very core: “Why should I fear that O my beloved one for I know now that you too would be by my side always and everywhere. Have I not already known this? Was it not you in the storm and the net, in the river and the sea? Nay in my very longings and my hopes, even in my fears and my ordeals were you not there? And now that I have known this may I never forget this at any time.”
“Truly you are the very best fish of my fish kingdom and I am proud of you, my child. So be it and all else that you may ask shall be granted for you have asked the very highest that one may ask as a fish. From now on, I appoint you as one of the great teachers to do my work in the fish kingdom. And this I promise that never shall I leave you and wherever you maybe you shall find me always by your side.”
The great vision faded from her sight leaving in its wake a lingering joy that was the very essence of love. Dino started her journey back to the pool led by the sea god whom she now felt and knew everywhere. And unknown to them and their little care laden life a hope stole through the entire fish world, a hope of another way of being, a hope of a new life. The struggle of life changed its face and became for the fish world the struggle for evolution into the most perfect fish that ever could be.
Alok Pandey
