Longings for The Mother (3): Mother, I Long for Thee

A series of 15 contemplations, written by Indra Sen shortly after The Mother’s physical withdrawal

I long for Thee as I do for nothing else. I desire lots of things, strive and struggle for them, am happy when I get them, am disappointed when I don’t. But I long for Thee from deep within and the more I long the happier I feel. The longing itself is completely satisfying. There is no question of getting or not getting anything.

I long for Thee, Mother, and it is so sweet to do so. The longing, which arises from deep down the heart and fills the whole being with peace, is wonderfully sweet. I seek to dwell in it more and more, longer and longer. This sweetness is incomparable. It is exquisitely sweet.

I long for Thee, Mother, and seek to do it more and more. It is a fine occupation superseding other calls and interests. It readily brings Thy Presence. And to be with Thee, to feel Thy nearness, closeness, a face-to-face talking relation with Thee, is indeed wonderful. Mother, Thou art so kind and gracious. Mother, Thou art so willing to come. I hope that I don’t disturb Thee much.

Mother, I turn toward thee again and again and long for Thee. Whenever I get a little free from external preoccupations, I turn to Thee, long for Thee, cherish Thee and feel so happy. Do I inconvenience Thee by calling on Thee thus at odd hours for odd moments almost irreverently? I am sorry, Mother, but I can’t help it. Thou art my rest, my repose, my refuge.

Mother, I long for Thee and the longing is its own reward. But I know also that it pleases Thee and Thou respondest. Thou respondest with Thy Presence, which is all peace, all joy, all hope, all fulfilment. Some times dost Thou answer in words, many times Thou indicatest Thy will otherwise. But I am not yet well attuned to Thy ways of silence and am not able to appreciate Thy responses in detail. However, I believe, Thou respondest to every seeking and Thy Presence seems to include all Thy responses.

Mother, I pray: ‘Let my longing for Thee grow ever more, let it grow deeper and wider and intenser and cover up all vagrant seekings for petty satisfactions.’