Longings for The Mother (5): Mother Dear, Mother Sweet!

From a series of 15 contemplations, written by Indra Sen shortly after The Mother’s physical withdrawal

Mother Dear, Mother Sweet! How much we cherish You, long for You, remember You and enjoy doing so, off and on, on and on, in the day, in the night, during work, in leisure, Mother, You are so lovable, adorable, an attraction by itself.

There was a time when, Mother, I respected You, revered You, admired Your messages and books. I felt You as high and great but did not then confidently open out my heart to You. I respected You, read You, wanted to offer to You something for Your pleasure, also render some service to You but I stood apart, by myself, independently. There was a distance and I cherished adoring and admiring You from a distance, a good safe distance. I wanted to be myself, hold my own, reserved my right to be myself.

Mother, You did not mind it, You approved of it, helped me to grow in my own way and yet helped me more and more.

And then a time came when I began to love too and felt myself getting close and near to You. And this closeness, this nearness was a wonderful feeling! I began to cherish it more and more until being far from You became a positive unhappiness, a discomfort, requiring an immediate attempt at recovering closeness and nearness. Thus I began to cherish an abiding inner oneness with You and to look upon it as indispensable.

Mother Dear, Mother Sweet, that inner oneness, even as an aim, was a Wonderful thing. It became central to life as all the varied experiences tended to arrange themselves in a new formation and got filled with the aroma of this marvellous closeness and contact and identification with You. Life then became a pleasure, a joyous adventure, a pursuit of deep discoveries.

But the elements of separation persist and at times turn up rather obtrusively. Then I live as though out of joint, in imbalance, ill-at-ease and must immediately struggle to get into the balance of wide ease, inner solace and Your deep and felt Presence.

Mother Dear, Mother Sweet, how I wish such occasions did not occur, that I never got into that separation and isolation! But this too is true that after every separation, the attempt at re-union is intenser and more whole-hearted and the re-union itself fuller, deeper and heartily more satisfying.

Mother Dear, Mother Sweet, grant that Your closeness, Your nearness, Your presence, Your love now come as a realisation, a settled fact of consciousness as an essential element of its nature.

Mother Dear, Mother Sweet, I cherish it as the central fact of life, as its aim itself, as the supreme influence for the entire experience of life. Let it now come, come effectively and make my life full of the sweetness and love and light that emanate from You, Your Being and Your Existence.