I fail to make out why my feet remain constantly fatigued even after sleep. Is not sleep a means to relax everything?
I think you had forced yourself too much physically by mental will and vital insistence on the body — the present fatigue is partly at least the result.
Forcing means not giving yourself sufficient sleep. I had already written that enough sleep was important.
Why does not the Force come down to help me in the work? I am getting restless.
So long as you are in this restless condition, there is no use in the Force pressing to come down. You must get rid of these things (fatigue, restlessness etc.) first.
Today I cannot write to you anything more as I am in a disturbed state.
At this rate the best thing would be not to force yourself in any way for sadhana or anything else, but to rest as much as possible, read, do ordinary but not excessive work, sleep well and get back the right equilibrium of the physical consciousness in which the deeper quiet can come back.
Let me explain to you why I have forced myself to a good amount of work. It was for five reasons. The first is: I see that there are so many sadhaks here who work hard and nearly for ten or twelve hours a day — workers like Khirod, Rishabhchand and others.
These men and others are born workers. But even so the Mother has had to discourage this excessive tendency to work with many because their bodies could not bear it.
The second reason: I was told that there is always a tendency to inertia in my external being and therefore I decided that the only way to get rid of it was by making the body work more and more for the Mother.
Overstraining only increases the inertia — the mental and vital will may force the body, but the body feels more and more strained and finally asserts itself. It is only if the body itself feels a will and force to work that one can do that.
Thirdly, I presumed that by working more and more I would be able to bring out love and rasa[1] in the work.
You cannot bring love and rasa merely by increasing work. These are inward things and depend on the inner being.
Fourthly, it is said that for fatigue or inertia the best thing is not to indulge it by allowing the body to rest more, but to work and work until it goes.
It may be so — by working more and bringing more force in the body — but not by working too much which only increases the fatigue.
The fifth and last reason: I heard that fatigue comes because there is in our nature some unwillingness to work, for otherwise how is it that many people work day and night and yet are untouched by exhaustion or tamas?
Because they feel the force for work.
You suggested to cut down my work. But to my eyes each of the activities is equally important.
It is better to cut it down somewhat than to be constantly fatigued and unable to go on with the sadhana.
The fundamental cause is after all the weakness of my body. It has been so since childhood. Even a little extra activity exhausts me.
The weakness of the body has to be cured, not disregarded. It can only be cured by bringing in strength from above, not by merely forcing the body.
I neglected all the defects of the physical, leaving them to be dealt with by the Mother and engrossed myself in her work as if I were a strong man. In a spiritual Ashram, should not one be full of an adventurous spirit, ready to take up even a stupendous work?
It was towards this ideal that I was trying to develop my physical self. But, really, I was not aware that my attempt had only a mental will and vital insistence in its push. Please give me your guidance.
The first rule is — there must be sufficient sleep and rest, not in excess but not too little.
The body must be trained to work, but not strained beyond its utmost capacity.
The outer means without the inner is not effective. Up to a certain point by a progressive training the body may be made more capable of work. But the important thing is to bring down the force for work and the rasa of work in the body. The body will then do what is asked of it without grudging or feeling fatigue.
Even so, even when the force and rasa are there, one must keep one’s sense of measure.
Work is a means of self-dedication to the Divine, but it must be done with the necessary inner consciousness in which the outer vital and physical must also share.
A lazy body is certainly not a proper instrument for Yoga, it must stop being lazy. But a fatigued and unwilling body also cannot receive properly or be a good instrument. The proper thing is to avoid either extreme.
The higher consciousness keeps contact only through my passive self and if I do more work some part in me feels disturbed.
It is always so with everybody unless one feels the Mother’s Force working through one in the action.
It is possible to work through the passive state even, provided one feels that one is not doing the work but it is being done through one.
Since I am in a confused state, should the work be put aside for a time? I mean, till the outer nature is quieted down first? And what about meditation?
Work should not be abandoned entirely.
Both meditation and work should continue. Only the body should not be strained and become fatigued.
There are some sadhaks who exaggerate the value of work and do not consider meditation a necessity.
There are some who cannot meditate and progress through work only. Each has his own nature. But to extend one method to all is always an error.
The higher pressures have become very sharp and powerful. They impose a silence upon the entire being. Especially my bug-extermination work disturbs the inner and higher working which is going on very strongly now. In spite of all that if you want I will continue the work.
If you could continue it would be better. There is a way of doing such work without breaking the pressure, only keeping it as a force above and behind the working mind — if you can get that it would be better than stopping the work.
But how to attend to work without cutting off the higher pressure?
You can do it by not identifying yourself with your head or any part of your body.
My consciousness does not need to come down as before for doing any physical work.
That is very good.
I see that the Mother is carrying me now to an ultimate Silence in which the action and the silence will be fused into each other and become one.
Yes, that is the perfect state.
Suddenly there surged in a stilled Silence, a condition in which the very stuff of the mental consciousness sank into muteness. But how to carry out the physical work when the whole being is in an absolute motionless state? The Mother’s Grace came to my rescue and touched the stillness — that gave it the power to persist even during external action.
It is very good.
[1] Deep or inherent delight.
